When I went into my office, a typed booklet lay on my desk. A note on the front page read,Dear Principal Curtis,Is there a time when I can talk to you sometime this week?<ATTRIB>—Saijal</ATTRIB>
I sat down, opened the booklet, and slowly began to read. Saijal, a 5th grade student in my elementary school, had written a 12-page, emotional discussion of bullying. She began by describing different kinds of bullying, and she included photos of sad, lonely children to illustrate her passion about the subject. But what really touched my heart were Saijal's personal stories.
"When I Met My (Future) Bully"
When I first met my (future) bully, we were simply friends. We would always talk, and we also went our separate ways. More and more though, as we learned new things about each other, he started to call me mean names.Last year, when I was in 4th grade, he teased me about my appearance and what I was wearing. After a few days, his friends started calling me names, too! Some names included Thing, Extraterrestrial, Non-Living, Boy/Man and many, many more.
A flood of emotions overcame me. I wanted to cry for Saijal as I heard her pain. I wanted to talk to her and find a way to help. I was surprised that she, a bright student whom I regarded as one of the most popular kids in the school, was desperately asking for help in dealing with peers.
I wondered what to do next. If Saijal, a student with everything going for her, was so upset about bullying, what was happening to other students? Our school had already proactively addressed bullying. We followed the district bullying and harassment policy, our parent teacher association sponsored antibullying assemblies for students and parents, and our staff implemented a daily schoolwide team-building program. What more could I offer?
I read more of Saijal's writings.
"I Can't Just Ignore It"
Whenever one of my teachers says, "Just ignore them," it annoys me so much. I can't ignore it. It will always be stuck in my mind. Why can't I ever stop thinking about what the bully did? It makes me depressed, angry, sad, and upset when I hear that expression.
Yes, teachers, parents, adults—and even I—tell children to ignore the bullies in the hope that this strategy will help. But what can Saijal and others like her do when ignoring isn't enough? I racked my brain. I mentally played back all the suggestions I offered to previous students: Ignore the bully; tell an adult; stand up to the bully in a positive way; talk to the school counselor, a classroom teacher, or a parent; meet with me and the bully together so we could talk things through. Obviously, these ideas weren't enough.
Saijal's writing continued:I can never trust scientists or others who think that they have so much research about bullying. All that information that they have collected for years truly means nothing to me. I believe that the targets are the experts.
What Do You Really Want?
I was not sure what to do, but I was sure I had to do something. I closed the booklet and went to find Saijal. We talked all through her lunch and recess. I tried to listen to the meaning of her words and to understand her pain. I asked, "What do you want, Saijal? If you could have one wish, what would it be?"
She softly said, "Stop bullying."
"OK, then. Will you continue to think about your wish and refine it even more? Think about where and when you want to stop bullying the most. Then we can meet again and begin to figure out what we need to do next to work on your wish."
"What do you mean?" Saijal asked.
"Well, for example, do you want to stop bullying in your homeroom? Or your whole grade level? We need to clearly define your wish so we can start thinking about ways to achieve it."
Without hesitating, Saijal looked me directly in the eye and explained, "I want to stop bullying in the entire world!"
That's when I knew we had our work cut out for us. But I also knew Saijal was the person to lead the change.
The No Bullying Club
Saijal and I met several more times over the next couple of weeks. Together, we agreed that we needed other students to help us with the mission.
Initially, we brought in three other students. I explained to the group that I needed their help to prevent bullying in the school. Saijal preferred to be anonymous for the time being, so she attended as just another member of the group, not the catalyst for the movement.
From February through May, I met with the students weekly. We shared stories of bullying incidents the students had experienced or observed, using fictitious names to protect the bullies' and victims' identity. I encouraged students to tell what strategies they used in these situations. Did the strategies work? Could they try something else that might be more successful? Students were eager to give suggestions. They appeared to appreciate having a forum in which to tell their bullying stories and to hear other students' stories. They began to realize they weren't the only ones dealing with bullying.
Each time we met, I asked that each of the students bring another student who might want to get involved. As Nathan said, "With more people, we could expand the message." The group quickly grew from 4 members to 32. After that, the growth slowed for a while—as the students explained, "We're not sure the remaining students are serious about preventing bullying, so why invite them just to invite someone?" Meanwhile, the students seemed to gain confidence from the large support system they were creating.
- Rule No. 1—Stop bullying. In other words, never bully anyone.
- Rule No. 2—Prevent bullying by standing up for victims in a positive way.
They even developed a hand motion accompanied by the words, "Stop it! That's not nice!" to signal someone if they thought that person was being a bully. By May, the club decided it was important to open the group's activities to other students—otherwise, they reasoned, they themselves would have been guilty of exclusion, a form of bullying.
The following school year, Saijal and a core group of students wanted to share their message with the entire student body. They created, practiced, and performed skits in classrooms about bullying situations and possible responses. They designed posters calling on students to sign up and join the mission. They also wrote a rap song about bully prevention and performed it on the morning announcements.
The students continued their work throughout the year to keep the no bullying rules alive. One morning later in the year, a 4th grade student exited his bus and excitedly explained to me that a 1st grade student had just told an upperclassman to "Stop it! That's not nice!" It was clear that Saijal's message had successfully spread, especially among the primary students, who were eager to stand up to wrongdoing.
Let Students Lead the Way
A new adventure lies ahead as Saijal moves on to the middle school. Will there be more chess players in my school to keep the message alive? Will the new students have the strength and courage to continue this past year's game plan or to create their own strategies to fight bullying? What will Saijal and her peers do at the middle school with a new group of peers?
I wish I could announce that we found a foolproof way to stop bullying. Unfortunately, there is no cookie-cutter solution. Each situation, each environment, and each group of students is different. What worked for Saijal and her peers may not be successful in other settings or at other times.
There are, however, key elements that other schools can capitalize on. First, find passionate students who want to be part of the solution. Second, trust in the students to lead the change, and empower them to solve issues so they own the responsibility and the action taken; resist stepping in and telling them what to do. Third, enable the group to share their stories so that they know they are not alone; then slowly lead the discussions to possible solutions. Finally, encourage the students to design and implement a plan of action. Continue to meet with the students to assess and modify the plan; assure them that if a strategy does not work at first, they can always create and try another.
Remember, the key lies within the students. Encourage and support them in taking charge, and maybe students like Saijal will change the world.
