Sarah is 9 years old and lives with her Aunt Jenny. Her aunt works nights, so Sarah has to stay at the babysitter's house while her aunt is at work. Sarah has been sexually abused by the sitter's older nephew for two months. She is scared to tell the sitter or her aunt for fear she will be sent to live in a foster home.
Joey just learned that his parents are getting divorced. He will be a 9th grader next year and was really excited about attending high school with his friends. Because of the divorce, however, he was told he will be moving and going to a new school.
Amelia has been a teacher for 15 years, and when the COVID-19 pandemic hit, she was forced to change all her teaching strategies and switch to an unfamiliar online platform. To add to her stress, Amelia's mother was diagnosed with the virus, and Amelia has been struggling to provide financial and emotional support from a distance.
Stress, Trauma, and the Mess of Life
How Does Stress Impact Us?
Sarah will stay in a heightened state of alert, chronically fearful that she may lose the one stable home she has ever had. Further, she is sleep-deprived as a result of the abuse and worry. This can impact her ability to stay on task and remain in the learning mode at school.
Joey's anticipation of losing his friends and starting a new school leads to an increase in anger, acting out, and overall rebellion against his situation. His behavior could result in disciplinary consequences and further isolation from his classmates and teachers.
The stress associated with Amelia's predicament leads her to isolate and withdraw from the people who need her the most: her family, her students, and her colleagues. The ripple effect of her stress response starts to negatively impact her students' sense of connection and safety, causing her to have less patience, to miss signals from them, and to struggle to maintain focus on her professional responsibilities.
Creating a Culture of Safety
- Safety. In a true nest, students and adults arrive at an environment that is free of bullying, violence, and any other threat to their physical safety. They also have permission to be who they are—to be and feel vulnerable; to trust one another; to experience respect, celebration, inclusion, potential, uniqueness, and emotional freedom. Examples of this provision of safety are establishing connections with every student, providing rituals and routines, and having protocols in place that communicate expectations and support.
- Predictability. Stress responses are often heightened when faced with the unknown. When interactions, conditions, and expectations are predictable, students and adults are more likely to remain regulated. Predictable settings include increased sense of trust, clear communication plans, proactive practices, and an unambiguous focus on the mission.
- Consistency. A consistent environment also contributes to a culture of safety. One of the most critical elements of a consistent environment is having staff agree on procedures, policies, and practices for whole-school success. When staff consent to these practices, it means they agree to implement and support them. They see the practices as valuable and commit as a team to enforce them in their daily actions. This includes understanding the intent of their actions, the common language they use, a mantra that all students embrace, and a relentless attitude that everyone will be successful … no matter what.
Sarah would have solid relationships with school personnel and could safely access them for help in protecting her and helping her custodial aunt find a safer place for her to be.
Joey would share with his friends and teachers what is happening at his home, and together they could find a plan to help Joey feel secure about this difficult transition.
Amelia would be able to share the stresses she feels and ask for help, trusting that her colleagues would empathize with her and support her through these trying times.
Mindset Matters
- Low energy: When we are exhausted, lacking proper sleep, or overwhelmed by stress, we are less likely to have patience and tolerance. Our fuses are shorter. The best way to address this is to own it. Let your colleagues and students know that you are not your best self and request some grace. This takes the mystery out of what is affecting you and minimizes the chances that they personalize your behavior.
- Our histories: We all have different experiences and ways of managing those experiences, and these influence how we interpret and understand what's happening around us. When someone acts in a way that is incongruous with our understanding, we may perceive that as threatening to our worldview. Knowing our histories and positioning them in the context of our surroundings can help us remain regulated in the midst of change.
- Belief sets: Our beliefs about education, behaviors, parenting, priorities, respect … you name it, they influence how we perceive the world around us. It's pretty easy to get caught up in the negative with a parent, colleague, student, or supervisor about why and how we see things. A key mindset for educators to adopt is, "We all do the best we can with what we know and the tools we have." We need to remind ourselves not to take things personally and to focus on the goal and purpose of our role. The openness of this approach helps us to remain judgment-free when interacting with others.
- Expectations: When we expect something to happen and it doesn't, it can serve as a huge source of frustration and disruption. Student behavior, academic performance, a colleague's follow-through, or a parent communication plan are among the prime candidates for letting us down. The reality is that you are where you are, and the only way to move forward is to accept that. Lamenting what isn't working runs the risk of shutting us down and halting movement. In any given moment, remember to identify where you are and what you're trying to accomplish—what is the purpose and intent behind my actions? What am I ultimately trying to achieve and how can I work collaboratively with this person in achieving that goal?
- Fear: Sometimes, we get stuck in that place of inaction because something bad might happen. Fear of the unknown, fear of a negative reaction, fear of losing our jobs, fear of looking incompetent … the list goes on and on, with one thing in common: we're focusing on things we cannot control. Instead, attend to what we're in charge of: our mindset, our goals, our next step, our willingness to embrace challenges as opportunities for growth.
Trauma Doesn't Have to Be a Sentence
When Sarah reaches out to the staff at her school, they embrace her request, contact her Aunt Jenny, and all parties work together to resolve the unsafe situation she is in. Sarah's safety and her need to be protected supersede any other competing influences. Her aunt requests a day shift at her work, allowing her to be home in the evenings to watch Sarah directly.
Joey's teachers appreciate that he confides in them his fears about arriving at a new school and missing his friends. One teacher launches a video-pal partnership with one of Joey's former neighborhood middle school teachers, and Joey maintains contact with his peer group, easing the transition significantly. Further, the school works with Joey to put a plan in place to get him acquainted with his new school, and they help to establish a set of supports for him there to ease these tough transitions in his life.
Amelia breaks down in a team meeting, explaining to her colleagues the immense pressure she feels. With open arms, her colleagues devise a plan to share the workload, reschedule meetings to allow Amelia to make medical appointments for her mother, and discuss ways to support each other emotionally. The new year has started out on a positive note.
Reflect & Discuss
➛ What does being a trauma-invested school mean to you?
➛ What are the triggers that send you into your "downstairs brain"? What strategies do you use to emotionally regulate during stressful times?
➛ How can your school or district create a culture of safety for those living with trauma? How might this look virtually?