Teachers today are expected to play more roles than ever before—instructor, disciplinarian, therapist, mediator. Now teachers have to be turnaround tigers, too, capable of transforming uncooperative, wary, or disinterested parents into educational partners.
- Dust off and roll out the welcome mat. During the elementary school years, educators invited parents into school regularly. To read a book, concoct a recipe, or give a talk on career day—the opportunities to get inside the classroom were always there. At middle school, parents have no such easy access. Many mothers and fathers feel left out. Some react with worry or suspicion. One New York mother of a 6th grader confided: I'd never been inside the middle school, except for a glimpse on orientation night. At report card time, I made an appointment to see my daughter's team of teachers, even though her grades were excellent. In our school, they only hold a conference when there is a problem. My daughter didn't have a problem, but I did. I just wanted in.What are teachers doing to welcome parents? Ross Burkhardt, past president of the National Middle School Association, invites parents to a screening of a video his 7th and 8th graders create on the '60s. An Italian teacher told us she hosts an ethnic lunch where parents come and bring an Italian dish and are entertained by their teens singing in Italian.Including parents needn't be frequent to be effective. Outline for parents what their role is in middle school. Let them know you need chaperones or help in the computer lab. Many are waiting and hoping to get back to school.
- Advertise your expertise. In our home-schooling times, many parents think they could teach even better than you, the teacher. Increasingly, disgruntled parents want to oust teachers, set policy, change grades, or alter programs.To help gain parents' confidence, cast yourself as an expert on young adolescents. Through newsletters and other media, share with parents all you have learned about the behavior and issues that define 10- to 15-year-olds. Explain how modern middle schools, through customized lesson plans, advisory mentoring, and organizational skill-building, cater to development milestones.
- Implement an early-warning system. Help parents understand that the middle school years present stiff academic challenges to students—more homework, and harder assignments like detailed written reports and science labs. The academic performance of young adolescents is also affected by developmental issues—their distracted nature, preoccupation with friends, and bouts of downright disinterest in their studies.It's easy for even the better students to fall off track. When parents find failing grades on a report card, it's often their first inkling of trouble. How could their former math scholar get a D? How could their budding marine biologist fail science?To prevent confrontations with parents, don't let the report card be the first communiqué with parents. Use frequent progress reports and contact parents directly by phone, letter, or e-mail. This affords parents and students the chance to work harder and improve performance before D-Day..
- Show parents a familiar, positive portrait of their child. Just as parents want to feel welcome, they need to know that their child is welcome in school, too. Teachers often only contact a parent to talk about a student's unruly behavior, unsatisfactory performance, or poor attitude. Rarely do teachers begin conversations by recounting delightful stories about the child. Nowadays more and more parents instantly take their child's side and blame the teacher. And you can count on many a middle schooler to swear, "That teacher hates me!"Ask yourself before such a conference: Do you want to be right, or do you want to be effective? When you sit down to address poor grades, disruptive behavior, or attitude problems, interject an anecdote. Compliment a child's positive quality, contribution, or kind gesture. In this way you are demonstrating that you have faith in the student and that you see more than a behavioral or academic problem.
- Convey shared values. In our increasingly diverse world, finding common ground is essential. According to J. Howard Johnston (1990), many teachers were reared in traditional families and yet teach student populations who come from no such homogenous family experience. Add differing ethnic and religious cultures, and affluence or poverty. Is it surprising that teachers (and parents) often feel misunderstood?Talk the language of basic values with parents. "I knew right from the start that I was in sync with my daughter's 4th grade teacher," commented one mother. "A letter arrived from the teacher announcing expectations for all students—kindness, responsibility, effort. She was speaking my language!"No one will argue with the virtues of fairness, honest effort, and hard work. When you critique a child's performance, talk about effort, discipline, responsibility, standards, and integrity.
- Reassure parents that their child will be protected in your care. Classroom problems today range from drug and alcohol abuse to teen pregnancy, assault, and sexual harassment—a far cry from the gum chewing and running in the halls that concerned teachers in previous decades. Today's schools have gone from rowdy to downright dangerous, jeopardizing the emotional and physical well-being of our youth.Remind parents that you are there, on guard to root out the threats to the health and welfare of their young. Reiterate your school's zero tolerance of drugs and alcohol. Advise on gender equity issues. Educate parents and students about peer harassment and cliques. If you cast yourself as a child advocate, you will earn parents' gratitude and respect—and the children will benefit.
- Demonstrate your inside scoop. Are today's parents clueless? In a survey, we asked middle school teachers across the United States and Canada, "Do you believe parents are well informed with regard to what is happening in their children's lives academically and socially?" Half responded no.Parents are spending 40 percent less time with their children than mothers and fathers did in 1960. Fifty-one percent of the parents we polled confessed that their young adolescents get less of their time than they did five years ago. Because so many working parents are out of touch, and because students try to keep it that way, you have a golden opportunity.As teacher, you are privy to the young adolescent's world—that everyday school life that parents never see. You have inside information that parents crave. Share anecdotes with parents at plays or sports events. Parents—even the distracted ones—are hungry for information about their middle schooler.
- Empathize with parents that they have a tough job. In a recent Public Agenda Report (1997), four out of five Americans say that it's much harder for parents to do their job these days. The mothers and fathers of your students are well aware of the increased demands on their time and the stress in their lives that compete with the needs of their young teens. Factor in fears about violence, date rape, and AIDS, and you can understand parental nightmares. A little empathy with parents' predicaments can go a long way in establishing a bond with them.
- Be an effective and fair disciplinarian. We've listened to teachers and principals complain with real frustration about how much valuable time discipline problems steal away from teaching. Discipline is a fact of life—and parents share that elusive challenge, as well.For discipline to be effective, it should be Consistent, Appropriate, Results-oriented, tailored to Each individual temperament, and Swift—which spells CARES. There is no foolproof recipe such as grounding or no MTV, but there is one sure way to fail at disciplining young adolescents. Here's what a parent told us:One day, a 7th grade boy brought a virus into the school computer lab. The teacher, righteously unnerved and angry, punished the offender by shutting down the computer room for the entire day. All of the other "innocent" students were outraged. (They had a social studies report due and were depending on that class time to work on their assignment.) They turned on the teacher with "It's not fair," a mantra of young teens—and finally aimed their wrath at the techno-savvy renegade. By day's end, half a dozen boys were in detention for starting fights and rousting the unfortunate boy.The moral of this story: Don't choose a discipline strategy that creates more problems than it solves. Be sure to factor peer pressure and fairness into policy where young adolescents are concerned.
- Be a consistent role model. For today's young teens, apparently there is a shortage of personal inspiration. When asked by The Horatio Alger Association in 1996 to name their favorite hero, 21 percent of 1,000 adolescents (13-to 17-year-olds) answered, "No one." Less than 1 percent extolled a politician, community activist, or business leader. Where are their Eugene McCarthys, Ralph Naders, Gloria Steinems, and Bob Dylans? Now headlines are filled with politicians' scandals, rock stars' suicides, and advocacy for consumerism.Young people need real role models. More than ever before, teachers will fill that vacuum. In our survey, teachers knew they were role models and took that job seriously. You can model the rules, behaviors, and values you want your students to absorb and emulate.
We can't guarantee that these tactics will make all your problems with parents disappear. But you've little to lose by experimenting.
