Principals, teachers, and guidance counselors often feel ill prepared to address a student's death. The following guidelines can help a school meaningfully respond to an event that can profoundly affect the school and community.
Initial Response: The Crisis Team
The principal or an experienced school counselor should gather initial information about the death and discuss with the deceased student's family members which facts they wish to share with the school community. The focus of the communication with students and staff should be strictly factual, not speculative. Acknowledging exactly what is unknown is better than trying to fill in the gaps. To forestall possible negative behaviors, the message should publicly acknowledge the possibility of self-destructive reactions among students, such as having suicidal thoughts, or of undesirable actions, such as retaliating toward the driver if a student has died in a car accident. Suggest ways that staff members and students can address these concerns, include a promise for ongoing communication, and encourage questions and feedback.
A crisis team is a good starting point for planning communication (Kline, Schonfeld, & Lichtenstein, 1995). The team usually consists of the principal (the team leader), assistant principal, school psychologist/social worker, guidance counselor, and one or two senior teachers. Include school nurses early in the planning process (Lohan, 2006), and ask a pediatrician or mental health consultant to take an advisory, not leadership, role. This team crafts the initial announcement; decides how to disseminate information; and alerts essential staff regarding schedule changes, meetings, setting up a crisis center, and so on. Initial planning may be as simple as a communication strategy, or it might be more complex if there is a threat of ongoing danger, multiple deaths, or public health concerns. If the deceased student's siblings attend other schools in the community, the crisis team should advise their principals.
It is preferable to notify staff members individually, perhaps through the faculty phone chain, to allow them initial privacy to contend with the death. The crisis team can then meet with faculty members, who typically need to address their own reactions before sharing the information with students. The principal or school counselor should lead this meeting in a smaller group setting rather than make an announcement in a large assembly or over a public address system. It is important to share information about the death with faculty, students, and parents in a timely manner before leaks and rumors spin out of control. Holding faculty meetings before and after school for several days can help monitor the school community and provide support.
How the School Reacts
The needs of students and staff members will depend on their relationship to the deceased, their coping mechanisms, and the circumstances surrounding the death (Thompson, 1990).
Student Reactions
Initially, the deceased student's closest friends will need support from a school counselor. The school might offer students repeated opportunities to talk together, in group lunches or after-school meetings, for example. If several students were directly exposed to the accident or suicide, they may need group opportunities to discuss their reactions. Students with a history of trauma and loss (for example, the death of a parent) or with a history of depression or other mood disorders will require frequent monitoring. In one case on which we were consulted, a classmate was particularly distraught after a 13-year-old girl died of cancer. A guidance counselor learned that this classmate's mother had died of breast cancer three years earlier. The guidance counselor sought the student out and contacted the family to alert them to the likely rekindling of grief and to the warning signs of depression.
Students and faculty respond on their own time lines, so the individual pace of denial, anger, despondency, or acceptance will vary widely (Ramer-Chrastek, 2000). As a result, school administrators must rely on students and staff as daily barometers to help them monitor how rapidly the school should resume a regular routine and how much time students and staff need to collectively grieve the loss. Generally, the structure of school helps the grieving process. A return to classes, homework, and routine activities is usually indicated within a few days (Noppe, Noppe, & Bartell, 2006).
Survivors each experience the loss in a different way, with unanticipated emotions often overwhelming their rational understanding of the death. Typically, elementary students worry most about the effect of the death on their immediate lives; they tend to benefit from reassurance that they are safe and their family life will not substantially change. Middle grades students are usually concerned about how they might have foreseen or even prevented this death, so they may benefit from a discussion of the facts surrounding the death and a clarification of their lack of responsibility (usually) in the death. High school students often worry about the finality of this person's death, and they will probably benefit most from a discussion of the meaning of the student's life and what will persist following the funeral.
Staff Reactions
Staff reactions will influence how teachers present information to students. An administrator or counselor should maintain ongoing communication with teachers and staff members who worked directly with the deceased student. This can help clarify which staff members are having the most difficulty and suggest additional interventions. In one instance, a teacher was particularly overwhelmed when a student died in an alcohol-related traffic accident. When the principal reached out to speak with him, the teacher described a family history of alcoholism that contributed to his brother's death in a car accident. The principal was then able to understand the teacher's reaction and encouraged outside counseling so the teacher could separate, but address, both events.
Why and Who's to Blame?
The death of a child or adolescent unleashes strong emotions. People often try to soothe themselves by searching for an answer or relief from the feelings of loss and risk. Many find temporary relief by focusing intense feelings of anxiety, blame, anger, and guilt in the form of an attack on some individual thought to be responsible. The tone and content of communication from the crisis team can anticipate some of these reactions and redirect students back to grieving and a reasonable discussion of life's risks.
Accidents
Accidents are particularly difficult because of their suddenness, but also because of the perception that someone might have been able to prevent them. Blame may settle on a teacher who didn't notify the principal's office about a student who skipped a class and later died in a car accident. People may blame other students who survived the accident but encouraged the driver to skip, drink, or look away from the road. In accidents in which some students survive and others do not, educators should anticipate and attempt to prevent students from taking action against surviving students out of a sense of misguided loyalty (Twemlow, Fonagy, Sacco, O'Toole, & Vernberg, 2002). This is particularly important, given the increased risk of violence in students who have been bullied at school (Anderson et al., 2001). In such cases, schools need to indicate to students how they may express their loyalty in more meaningful ways.
Suicide
The suicide of a child or adolescent occurs more frequently during the spring semester (“Temporal Variations,” 2001). Because details of the suicide frequently become a focus of attention, it is important to provide brief, accurate information that has been cleared with the family (for example, “Tracy died from a gunshot wound”). Posing such questions as, What do you think Tracy would want us to be talking about? or, How will it be helpful for us to talk about these details? can redirect students' efforts to obtain more details or personal information. Those close to the student often believe that they missed or failed to respond to signs from the student. In addition, faculty and students often believe they may have said or done something that contributed to the suicidal act (for example, assigning too much homework).
The anger following a suicide is frequently displaced from the victim toward other students or staff (Newman, 2000), increasing the likelihood of assaults or additional self-harming acts. Contacting students close to the victim and examining their reactions privately may reveal the role they perceive themselves to have played in the suicide or any thoughts they may harbor about engaging in self-destructive behavior out of loyalty to the victim. A suicide also increases the risk of self-destructive behavior in those suffering from depression or who have attempted suicide in the past (Weinberger, Sreenivasan, Sathyavagiswaran, & Markowitz, 2001).
The closeness of the suicide makes the act a more realistic option in the minds of some adolescents. Some students, especially those feeling unpopular or isolated, may be drawn to suicide because of the community reaction, which can seem to glorify the deceased student. Guidance counselors often feel under pressure to prevent the contagion of suicide and monitor all vulnerable students. In a high school of 1,000 adolescents, statistically 100 or more are particularly vulnerable. It is helpful to tell the guidance staff the truth: Predicting suicide is practically impossible; the most school counselors can do is monitor the students at risk.
Chronic Illness
Chronic illness resulting in a student's death is sometimes less traumatic to a school, particularly if surviving students were prepared and had opportunities to say good-bye. Still, some staff members and students may not have believed that the student would really die; they may feel cheated by God because their prayers went unanswered. Students of all ages sometimes fear they might “catch” whatever caused the chronic illness and then feel guilty for having avoided that student. Discussions should acknowledge student guilt and fears as well as address how people can contend with severe or chronic illnesses (Ramer-Chrastek, 2000).
Student deaths from chronic illness are often more difficult for adults, who experience a different version of survivor guilt as they question the meaning of death for someone who will never experience the joys of childhood, adolescence, or adulthood. Such adults may need help recollecting the joys the dying student already has experienced; focusing on the joys the student can still experience while he or she is still sufficiently healthy (for example, Make-A-Wish programs); and recognizing that these students may not have “missed” certain joys that they never thought about.
The Timetable of Grief
Grieving is a process, not an event (Brock, 2001). Unfortunately, administrators may sometimes prematurely attempt to reestablish the normal routine. This often comes off as lacking in compassion, so it is helpful for administrators to talk with those who knew the student best to assess the mood of the school. Staffing a designated room with clinical personnel can be helpful for at least five days after the death. Schools sometimes decide to stay open on the first weekend after the death to provide a supervised place for those who wish to gather there.
Schools should also provide a book in a designated office where students can come in and write to the deceased's family. This is preferable to placing pictures or newspaper articles about the death in prominent places where students must confront their feelings every time they walk by. Such a book should usually be available to students for about four weeks. Appropriate staff members can monitor writings to ensure they will be helpful to the family and to spot students who may be experiencing more-than-usual difficulty with the death. Similarly, encouraging a student to commemorate loss through some form of participation, such as drawing pictures or planting a tree, promotes inclusion in the process and provides a meaningful ritual (Gibbons, 1992).
Because it is normal to respond initially with denial and avoidance to an overwhelming event, posttraumatic debriefing should be available between 24 and 72 hours after the event. One should never force a discussion, but rather provide open conversation and exploration of the powerful feelings that shared traumatic events create.
The crisis team should gather information from the faculty meetings, counseling staff, nurse, message book, parents association, and their own conversations. The team can then plan letter and e-mail communications to students, faculty, and parents regarding such matters as the school's schedule, funeral arrangements, memorials, and meetings.
Someone on the crisis team also needs to take responsibility for managing the large number of well-intentioned parents, volunteers, and mental health experts who may appear at the school to offer help. The designated person should organize the efforts so they are compatible with the crisis team's plans and check credentials of any grief counselors, thus maintaining control. Students need protection—at least at the school—from intrusions by the media and inquisitive others.
Initial and Long-Term Memorials
A memorial, the formal acknowledgement and lasting recognition of someone's death, is a vital aspect of how we grieve. Planning a memorial can productively channel energy, be profoundly educational, and communicate key values.
The crisis team should define the location and likely duration of the initial memorial. For example, having flowers and notes at the school entrance; alerting students that the press will have access to the memorial outside of the school (not inside); and deciding how long the memorial will stay in place (usually several days) help organize students and staff. The principal should designate a site inside the building, such as a large bulletin board, for notes and pictures. The deceased student's locker and desk are often painful, personal sites and are thus less appropriate.
Placing memorials in areas where they serve as constant reminders of the death can be problematic. It is often helpful for the principal or school counselor to meet with the deceased student's friends to talk about the scale and duration of memorials, especially if they are in public corridors or classrooms. Contact with the family to clarify and respect their wishes facilitates community cohesion.
Grieving students or faculty should take their time before deciding on longer-term memorials, such as scholarships. They need to address such questions as, How will we keep this student's name alive in the school? How will we honor this person's memory? What life lesson does this student's life—and death—provide? How can this death lead to expansion of helpful choices for all future students? The most effective memorials connect generations of people by illuminating cherished principles or aspects of the deceased person's life that remain meaningful for us all.
What We Can Learn
Each tragic death offers a window into the school's culture. Any problem in that community—a poor relationship between faculty and administration or too much emphasis on a single aspect of the school's goals (on academics or sports, for example)—will come to the fore and complicate the school's coping with the death.
Each death also kindles a reexamination of the vital teachings of the school. An anniversary ceremony is the final step in the recovery plan and reflects the school's values in terms of remembering, doing, repairing, preventing, and learning.
